or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
