Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
