I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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