Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
