My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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