oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
