Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize