found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
