Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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