playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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