I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
