I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
