He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
