he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
