I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
