He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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