ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
