tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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