I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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