Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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