Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
