Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
