Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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