I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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