You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
