my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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