Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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