I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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