I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
