Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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