Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
