yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
