I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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