Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
