Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
