I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
birth control should be required to get into college
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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