I love black thongs
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
