the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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