Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
