i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
