If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
