you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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