You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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