the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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