whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
