When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
