please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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