Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
