bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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