i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
