So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
