You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's the barista slut.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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