if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
