Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need water and some morals
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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