strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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