Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
