I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
