We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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