New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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