I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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