those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
