Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
